Tony Blair to be appointed international ambassador for Goldman Sachs’ new enterprise ‘Viagra For Pets’

Viagra For Pets

TONY BLAIR ON FOX NEWS
“I’ve always been interested in viagra for pets.”

In an interview with Fox News yesterday, which at the last moment was apparently canceled owing to legal difficulties, former British Prime Minister Tony Blair revealed that he had been appointed CEO at Goldman Sachs’ new company, Viagra For Pets (VFP).

“I am indeed deeply honored to act as a sort of ambassador for pets,” Mr Blair revealed during the course of the 60-minute interview with Fox News reporter Samantha Honeywell, “and to work in close cooperation with Pfizer scientists such as Andrew Bell, David Brown, and Nicholas Terrett.”

Mr Blair continued: “As everyone knows, Sildenafil, better known as Viagra, has been widely available since 1998 as a common treatment for erectile dysfunction in humans. What we need to do now,” he added, “is to to extend the benefits of Viagra to our household pets, for they too suffer from erectile dysfunction.”

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Asked why he had decided to take on the role of ambassador of Viagra For Pets, Mr Blair said: “I’ve always been interested in animal welfare. I think animals have equal rights to a vibrant sex life. It pains me to think that our beloved pets, as they grow older, are no longer capable of the sexual prowess they were capable of during their adolescence and prime.”

There was also a commercial motive, Mr Blair revealed candidly, for medicating pets with viagra. “Pfizer needs to move quickly to corner the market before its competitors do,” Mr Blair said. “Otherwise it could be beaten by its primary competitors, taldafil, otherwise known as Cialis, and Vardenafil, otherwise known as Levitra.”

Miss Honeywell asked: “How come you know so much about this subject, Mr Blair? Surely this is a big departure from politics?”

Blair conceded it was a new direction but that there were more important things in life than politics, and that sex was one of these things. As a humanitarian and compassionate animal lover, he said that improving the sex lives of animals, particularly of our household pets, had become a top priority for him.

Yes, Mr Blair admitted, he was being paid a small remuneration from Pfizer, via Goldman Sachs, for taking on this important role of emissary of Viagra For Pets, but this was not his main motivation. “Money has never interested me,” Blair insisted with a disarming smile, “nor does political  power appeal to me in the slightest. I despise money and power.”

“So what is your driving force?” Miss Honeywell asked, clearly spellbound by the charisma of Britain’s greatest Prime Mnister since Benjamin Disraeli.

Mr Blair took a long time to answer, steepling his fingertips and frowning deeply into the middle distance.

“Love,” he finally replied in a hoarse whisper. “I am driven by pure love of humanity and the animal creation. This is why I went into politics in the first place, why I went into the war in Iraq with the full backing of my deeply Christian friend and spiritual mentor George W. Bush. And of course,” he finally added with a characteristic twinkle in his eye, “I have always been interested in viagra for pets.”

It was further revealed during the course of the controversial interview that The Independent newspaper (UK) had reported that Florida researchers had developed a Viagra-like pill to treat sexually frustrated pets, including hamsters. Veterinarians were said to have greeted the news with derision, but the article pointed out that there are few things as sad as a pet suffering from feelings of sexual inadequacy, noting that “It’s not unknown for a guinea pig to sit in its cage thinking, ‘I haven’t had sex for months. Am I so unattractive?'”

Owners were instructed to grind the pills up and sprinkle them in the pet’s food. Laying some newspaper down on the floor once the pills began to take effect was also advised. The pills were to be marketed under the brand name Feralmone.

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This article should have been published yesterday. For the delay in publication, sincere apologies. Many thanks to our Chinese correspondent, Justice For Chinese, for providing us with impeccable source references. (Ed.) 

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Lasha Darkmoon

Dr Lasha Darkmoon (b.1978) is an Anglo-American ex-academic with higher degrees in Classics whose political articles and poems have been translated into several languages. Most of her political essays can be found at The Occidental Observer and The TruthSeeker. Her own website, Darkmoon.me, is now within the top 1 percent of websites in the world according to the Alexa ranking system.

39 thoughts on “Tony Blair to be appointed international ambassador for Goldman Sachs’ new enterprise ‘Viagra For Pets’

    1. It’s rather redundant, this April Fool Day’s joke, isn’t it? I’m confused, I thought lobro’s “On The Nature of Good and Evil” was the April Fool Day’s joke on us, 😉 . lobro morphs into a Cardinal of the Catholic Church on April 1st, April Fool’s Day. I thought that was the joke, no? 🙂

  1. It’s only fitting, an unconscionable pig is paid off for roaming the earth promoting other pigs etc. in the art of f**king the human species. There are a handful of mongrels roaming the earth I could enjoy watching tortured slowly to death.. Much like the Jew CHEKA did 60,000 Germans in Danzig. This demon is right up there with Colin Powell, Wesley Clark, McCain, Bush etc. My wife gets upset with me for feeling that way but there’s only one way we have a chance to beat “things” such as they; become as rabid and foul until the task is done.

    1. PASCHN,

      Death is far too good for the likes of Blair, Bush, Powell, Clark, McCain, Clinton etc etc.
      The best way to deal with people like Tony Blair is to put them in a cold, damp, dark cell, below ground, with no light and a running sewer within, in complete solitary confinement, naked and given basic food and water to suffer until death eventually takes them after they’ve gone completely insane.
      To know that you are truly hated; to be locked up in a catacomb cell, left there to rot, with no chance of ever being released and simply forgotten about, living in hellish conditions, would be a living hell.

      Killing people, like Blair, is a far too easy-way-out for them. Let them sit in squalor, reminiscing on their life, the subsequent demolition of nations and murder of millions. Let them experience a living hell, before they expire and go to another.

      1. If Blair and his ilk had the capacity to reminisce on their lives, they would be doing it now. Trust me – in the dungeon you suggest, they’ll be doing some thinking, but it won’t be about their crimes. They do not care about their crimes, they don’t even see them as crimes. It’s just what they do, just like you and I get up in the morning and put one foot in front of the other.

      2. Wyandotte,

        I certainly know all about the psychopath, that’s for sure, but I truly do believe that when one is laying in a cold, damp, dark, cell, naked with nothing but their thoughts to keep them occupied, the wrongs they have done, will no longer be viewed as merely a matter of a means to an end, but will haunt them forever, as the reason to their never ending hell.

      3. “..nothing but their thoughts to keep them occupied, the wrongs they have done, will no longer be viewed as merely a matter of a means to an end, but will haunt them forever, as the reason to their never ending hell.”

        Harbinger, I know a few psychopaths. Three are convicted killers, and at least two are, as of this date, still un-convicted killers. One of them, thirty years later (aka) right now,
        lives right down at the end of the street by the creek bridge. I once saw him drink a shot of gasoline with my own two watery eyes. Any questions? Because I have gone and do go tete a tete with one or two of them, fairly regularly.

        Point being .. They weren’t, nor will they in the future be lying in their bunks wringing their hands, praying for relief. No tears on their pillows for their (still alleged, in their mind) wrong doings.
        C’mon man! If there are any tears, they’re from missed opportunities..

        99 of 100 of them, when laying in that dark cell, are gonna be just fine..

      4. @ HP

        I agree with you. That’s why I would recommend constant cell company for them, a porcupine high on Feralmone. 🙂 Still chuckling about the article.

      5. Thanks for that HP.

        I’m still not so sure though. I think that anyone, including a psychopath, with nothing but darkness and their thoughts, will reminisce. Time will eventually wear down any defenses they may have whether natural or not. I know for sure that seeing darkness everyday, 24/7, trapped in a cell, with no one to converse, your mind would eventually bring everything within to stop you going mad. Who knows, maybe this would be the cure for psychopathy?

      6. Harbinger, thanks for your reply. I wasn’t meaning to come off crude and unrefined, but considering the subject, it’s hardly possible not to.

        I have though, tamed the schadenfreude part of the whole deal.
        I’m a little bit happy about that!

    1. The most ridiculous thing ever heard — what’s this satanist really planning, “animal love” with humans. Blair is also a war criminal. Real sick ‘people’ have got the run of our world. If animals are put down when they are sick then ….. you fill in the rest.

    2. @ Justice For Chinese

      I fail to see how this is a laughing matter. This article is almost certainly a malicious spoof. The writer of the article should be ashamed of herself for poking fun at a distinguished statesman like Tony Blair. Blair has conferred an inestimable benefit on mankind, and particularly on Europeans, for initiating the Iraq war as condign punishment for 9/11. And also in response to Saddam’s veiled threat on several occasions to nuke Israel, the Middle East’s only peace-loving democracy.

      By bombing Iraq, Mr Blair managed to bring about the deaths of over 1 millions Iraqis, all of them potential terrorists and future recruits for ISIS. Just think of the huge benefits Bush and Blair have brought to the Europeans by managing to liquidate these 1 million-plus evil Muslims. That’s 1 million fewer Muslim migrants to Europe, isn’t it?

      By his far-sighted action, Blair has helped to stem the flow of Muslim migrants to Europe. He needs to be thanked for this, not ridiculed. I really do think Ms Darkmoon has taken leave of her senses to suggest that such a high-principled statesman as Tony Blair could be involved in getting dogs to achieve erections. This is a sleazy and defamatory suggestion to make and, unless there is further proof, the charges against Mr Blair should be withdrawn.

      I have checked out the source link at the end of the article. Nowhere does this actually say that the article is a spoof. Instead, it gives a link to some article on viagra for dogs — but without mentioning Mr Blair’s name at all.

      What the heck is going on? Is everyone crazy on this site? This is the last time I intend to post here. I am totally pissed off with all the anti-Semitism I encounter here on this site from hell.

      1. Zaky, you are my favorite spoofer of them all.
        Just be careful, if you are too successful, you might come back as a REAL Jew in the next turn of the big wheel.

        One guy who won’t, is Franklin, who’s been saying some quite valuable stuff lately.
        Even when wrong, he speaks his mind honestly, just like Pat (75% wrong, 100% honest 🙂 , which is incomparably better than the other way around).

      2. @ Seymour Zak

        I agree with you 100%. This article is unacceptable. It plumbs the lower depths of depravity by its snide suggestion that Tony Blair is trying to encourage sexual promiscuity among dogs. This whole idea is repugnant to me, not only as a dog lover but also as a vet with 30 years experience of caring for our canine friends.

      3. Well said, Seymour! I never liked Lasha Darkmoon. And here is my proof at last. She has turned out to be even worse than I expected — a wicked Tony Blair basher and dog hater who is trying to make out that all our dear pets are impotent and need viagra to succeed as lovers. Not a very nice suggestion, is it? It borders on the indelicate, if not the pornographic.

      4. Kind of interesting that an article not complimentary to Blair should be considered antisemitic by Jews, I guess they know that which we suspect …

        Now, if only the sensitive Jewess vet would extend the same caring consideration and kindness to humanoid bipeds, aka, talking beasts, aka goyim, jew’s domesticated animals, created only for his servitude that she reserves for other barnyard life forms.
        Of course, the Palestinians don’t count, designated by IDF pest control for rapid extermination.

        as Rowan Berkeley said, the only psychology worth studying is Jewish psychology.

      5. as Rowan Berkeley said, the only psychology worth studying is Jewish psychology.

        Fascinating comment. So typically Rowan. I’d like to add to that by saying that Rowan himself would make an interesting case history. 🙂

      6. “…as Rowan Berkeley said, the only psychology worth studying is Jewish psychology…”

        Jewish “psychology” is nothing but the projection of Jewish psychopathology on Goyim. This is especially true for Freudian psychology, with its ideas of child-sexuality, Oedipus complex etc. Freud mixed observations of the neuroses of his Jewish clients with his own bizarre theories and a new Jewish pseudo-science was born. Though Freud’s theories have been sufficiently debunked by now, he is still revered by Jews as one of their greatest sons (besides Marx and Einstein).

        The current Jewish pseudo-science accepted in academia is “anthropology” in which human races are merely “social constructs”. As with Freudianism, most gullible Goyim fall for it.

      7. @ Franklin Ryckaert

        I think you have misunderstood Lobro’s reference to Rowan Berkeley. By RB saying “the only psychology worth studying in Jewish psychology“, Berkeley is NOT saying that the only psychology worth studying is Freudianism or psychoanalysis, i.e., the type of “psychology” which has been heavily promoted by Jews. Knowing Berkeley, I can say that this is the last thing Berkeley would say.

        What Berkeley is actually saying is, “The only psychology worth studying is the Jew’s psyche, in knowing what makes the Jew tick.” He is saying that the Jew’s mind is unlike the gentile mind: that it is infinitely more devious, more subtle, more complex. So understanding the Jew and what makes the Jew tick is of paramount importance in trying to understand the complexities of the human mind.

      8. Jewish psychology is the only thing Rowan has been unable to torture, and dismiss.
        Well, besides his good self, of course. He’s not yet quite done tormenting himself.
        This is very honestly, quite disappointing, and a little sad.
        Though not at all uncommon.

    1. “Suranga is Krishna’s pet deer and Dadhilobha is His pet monkey.
      Vyaghra and Bhramaraka are Krishna’s pet dogs.”

      And Vyaghra means .. yep, tiger..

      C’mon man!

  2. When I read the article first, I laughed. Because I thought it was a clever spoof. A kind of belated April Fool’s joke. Then it dawned on me, after reading Seymour Zak’s excellent deconstruction of the article, that it was actually a veiled attack on Britain’s finest statesman since Winston Churchill, the incomparable Tony Blair.

    It was then I realized I had strayed onto a sinister satanic website.

    Well, I’m outa here quick . . .

    1. “… a veiled attack on Britain’s finest statesman since Winston Churchill, the incomparable Tony Blair.”
      Brenda, if you want to know the truth about Churchill, see David Irving’s talk on him on youtube. Churchill also supported the infamous Morgenthau Plan after WWII, which would have starved an estimated 30 million Germans. Roosevelt supported it as well. It was rejected by Congress and replaced by the less diabolically inhuman Marshall Plan.

    2. Winnie liked a bit of satanism with his old mucker Aleister Crowley, down at the ‘Devil’s Chimney’ in Sussex…….

  3. @ Admin

    Thanks for the laughs, still chuckling. 🙂

    Hats off to Justice For Chinese for his handiwork, I mean sourcing. 🙂

    It appears there is nothing better to irritate trolls than a day delayed April Fool’s story.

  4. All comments are off the mark because the article is poorly researched and misleading. Tony Blair was appointed to this post not because he is really meant to be involved in any significant way with the otherwise meritorious project of providing aging or dysfunctional pets with pharmacologic support to enhance their quality of life.
    His appointment was a carefully thought out strategy meant to defuse some of the negative press of which Blair has been the undeserving recipient. “War criminal” is an ugly label that has been forced on one of Britain’s most memorable statesmen of our time.
    Goldman Sachs’s decision was simply a clever way to humanize Blair in a way that is guaranteed to touch people’s hearts. It is well known that people react with instantaneous compassion to any story about animals, especially domestic ones — people adore their pets. A man saving a cat falling from a high ledge will always make top news and will be considered a hero, even if the cat happened to be a suicidal feline who had not slipped but had decided to end its life. A man protesting some drone bombing that killed a few children in some far-off land only creates controversy, even if the children in question are not suspected of having committed acts of terrorism (which most of them are).
    So the rationale was to have Blair be seen as a sensitive man who brings joy to pets that may have long given up hope of experiencing it.
    I happen to think it is brilliant and Goldman Sachs is to be committed. As is Blair.

    1. @ Ariadnatheo

      Beautifully put, Ariadnatheo! You have a remarkable gift for satire. I have enjoyed reading your satirical pieces on MG’s site.

  5. Correction: My English often fails me– I meant to say “commended” not “committed,” didn’t I?

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