This bagatelle offers us a refreshing change from the more serious articles we usually publish. It is a short poem belonging to the comic verse genre written several years ago by Lasha Darkmoon. The poem is followed by one of LD’s favorite Monty Python skits. (Editor JSM)
big game hunter and taxidermist
Major Guppy he went a-gruntin’
Through the bush with his big game gun
For he fancied a spot of huntin’
Under the tropical sun.
‘Whatever moves,’ he swore, ‘I’ll shoot it
And I don’t give a hill of beans
If it’s mammal, reptile or primate—
I’ll shoot it to smithereens!’
Plunging into the forest primeval
And up the Hippopotamus River
Where the pishpash prowls and it’s evil
And the trees ooze a gooey gingiva—
Old Guppy, he finally fetched up
In a clearing with a luverly cool
Tongue of water, and here all stretched up
On the banks of this junglee pool
Lay a lady voluptuous and slim
In a leopardskin leotard,
Tall as a tree fern and trim
As the sleekest camelopard.
Lolling on a bed of giant lilies,
Painting her toenails vermilion,
She sure was the finest of fillies
Guppy’d seen—a girl in a million!
Swooningly gorgeous, goluptious,
Her breasts like melons of pleasure,
The smile on her lips lascivious—
The ultimate lust for your leisure!
Guppy tittered, and gave a small totter.
‘Dear madam, are you game?’ he said.
She nodded. And so he shot her—
Yes, he shot her right through the head!
‘By gad!’ the brute swore, ‘I shall have her
Behind glass in a rosewood frame!
But first I will have to stuff her!’—
And away he went with his game.