The Taxidermist

This bagatelle offers us a refreshing change from the more serious articles we usually publish. It is a short poem belonging to the comic verse genre written several years ago by Lasha Darkmoon.  (Editor JSM)

big game hunter and taxidermist 


Major Guppy he went a-gruntin’
Through the bush with his big game gun
For he fancied a spot of huntin’
Under the tropical sun.

‘Whatever moves,’ he swore, ‘I’ll shoot it
And I don’t give a hill of beans
If it’s mammal, reptile or primate—
I’ll shoot it to smithereens!’

Plunging into the forest primeval
And up the Hippopotamus River
Where the pishpash prowls and it’s evil
And the trees ooze a gooey gingiva—

Old Guppy, he finally fetched up
In a clearing with a luverly cool
Tongue of water, and here all stretched up
On the banks of this junglee pool

Lay a lady voluptuous and slim
In a leopardskin leotard,
Tall as a tree fern and trim
As the sleekest camelopard.

Lolling on a bed of giant lilies,
Painting her toenails vermilion,
She sure was the finest of fillies
Guppy’d seen—a girl in a million!

Swooningly gorgeous, goluptious,
Her breasts like melons of pleasure,
The smile on her lips lascivious—
The ultimate lust for your leisure!

Guppy tittered, and gave a small totter.
‘Dear madam, are you game?’ he said.
She nodded. And so he shot her—
Yes, he shot her right through the head!

‘By gad!’ the brute swore, ‘I shall have her
Behind glass in a rosewood frame!
But first I will have to stuff her!’—
And away he went with his game.

Lasha Darkmoon

Dr Lasha Darkmoon (b.1978) is an Anglo-American ex-academic with higher degrees in Classics whose political articles and poems have been translated into several languages. Most of her political essays can be found at The Occidental Observer and The TruthSeeker. Her own website,, is now within the top 1 percent of websites in the world according to the Alexa ranking system.

8 thoughts to “The Taxidermist”

    1. The Monte skit reminds me – not the poem! (I would remind Lasha that anyone sporting an exquisite 1876 Winchester of presentation grade, such as the photographed Major Guppy, would likely be a very DISCERNING shooter…) 🙂

  1. looks like she was more interested in game (and tease) than love as well … this poem is excellent, it presents both sides of the same coin … i wonder if the author realizes how fantastic it is

  2. The poem is a near perfect metaphor for the new-ish third world lumpenproletariat infesting the Brits, the Frogs, the Swedes, the Krauts, and the Yanks, and elsewhere, “hunting” for the generous benefits. And then lo and behold the randy males from the lumpen lands come upon a lady “voluptuous and slim” (well, now days not so slim) which they mount one by one stuffing her with their “Stuff”, sometimes with “brute” force shooting their “stuff” “right (in her) head”, And away they go merrily looking for more “game”.
    (The “Major Guppy” pictured looks more like a fir trapper from the old American West. He might have shoot an Indian or two or someone raiding his traps. But plugging a lady in the head? Never.

  3. I dare say who will remain to rid us of Guppy?
    A bear, perhaps, might chew him to bits
    Or a lightning bolt may strike him to chips.
    Animals were here before Major Guppy.
    Might one rise up and eat him for suppy!

    1. a bear is tough
      but it will charge right into impalement
      a lightning bolt has a lot of energy
      but ol guppy is part of a very large place
      seemingly beautiful, delicate, and innocent:
      the woman is the most dangerous animal

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