Will anarchist extremists save the world from destruction
through organised chaos and compulsory veganism?
By Lasha Darkmoon
“First the eco warriors shut down British cities,” the Daily Mail screams in a recent report. “Now their militant vegan wing—with close links to the RSPCA—are opening a new battle front to stop us eating meat, fish and dairy products.” (October 5, 2019, p. 20-21).
Britain’s most popular newspaper, the Daily Mail, whose special appeal is to the older generation of respectable middle class citizens, waxes eloquent in deploring the imminent doom of the Carnivorous Generation.
No more slaughter houses, those architectural gems hidden away from all human habitations! No more friendly family butchers, porcine and pink-cheeked, in their spotless white aprons! No more picturesque street sellers flogging us sizzling hamburgers, hot dogs bursting with health, and steak-and-kidney pies oozing with pure goodness!
A dying generation of noble carnivores is being kicked into the long grass. So sad. The Carnivore Haters appear to have won the long battle. Over 200 years ago (in 1813) we have the vegetarian poet Percy Bysshe Shelley, pictured, complaining, “It is only by softening and disguising dead flesh by culinary preparation that it is rendered susceptible of mastication or digestion; and [for this reason] the sight of its bloody juices and raw horror does not excite intolerable loathing and disgust.”
Ingrid Newkirk, President of PETA, would agree with the great English poet, who died, incidentally, at the early age of 29 in a drowning accident and who subsisted almost entirely on bread and water. Ms Newkirk advises—and her advice would have delighted the veggie poet, “Recognize meat for what it really is: the antibiotic and pesticide laden corpse of a tortured animal.”
The Daily Mail will have none of this soppy sentimentality.
“Lovers of bacon butties, breakfast yoghurt, milky coffee and juicy steaks might consider all this to be dystopian science fiction,” the paper warns grimly, “but the plan is deadly serious“
Extinction Rebellion intends to bring London to its knees within the next fortnight by staging scantily clad demonstrations. In pursuit of their evil aims, the semi-naked fanatics (pictured) of Extinction Rebellion are prepared to get arrested. 20,000 activists, it is reported, are on the march, flashing their brazen tattoos. They are prepared to go to prison and fast to death—if anyone in the prison service should be tactless enough to offer them a bacon sandwich or fried egg on toast for breakfast.
All fast food outlets, beginning with McDonalds, should be bombed or burnt to the ground at once. And replaced with open green spaces sparkling with rivers of mineral water imported from Greenland. Fountains of soy and almond milk should be dotted round the idyllic landscape. No more dark Satanic mills! And shrines should be built everywhere to the Great God Quorn—with altars piled high with tofu, tahini, vegan fudge, veggie burgers, and Chinese noodles fried in virgin olive oil.
Pardon my flight of fancy.
To summarise: Animal Rebellion, an extremist faction of Extinction Rebellion, wants all animal farming and fishing banned. It also plans to “occupy” both Smithfield and Billingsgate markets, from which many of London’s restaurants and takeaways source their meat and fish.
Policing the last ‘Rebellion’ in April cost the Metropolitan Police £16 million. “For a blockade or an obstruction of the highway, the police can only hold you for 24 hours,” Jane Tredgett, the spokesperson for the group explained. Jane, as you might expect, is “woke”.
Unlike the bulk of the population, the carnivorous majority are now seen as the Enemies of Mankind. As minions of Satan who need to be ground up in mincing machines. And fed to the sharks.
‘They’re going to put you away for a maximum of 24 hours,” Ms Tredgett explains helpfully to her followers. “Then [they will] release you. It will go to court several months later. Usually, you’ll get a couple of hundred pounds in fines and a smack on the wrist.”
So that’s all right then.
Sipping cups of organic tea—laced with sexy soy milk—the vegan activists in Newcastle sat through a lengthy presentation by Ms Tredgett (pictured here) on the “urgent” need for government bans on animal farming and fishing.
Her talk culminated in a minute’s silence for a beef cow called Hero who has now entered legend.
Hero became instantly famous last year when she hit the headlines.
After escaping from a Polish abattoir, “Hero Cow” (as she is now known in Poland) managed to launch a plucky resistance movement against her cruel human tormentors. Swimming heroically over rushing rivers and taking refuge in the most unlikely places, Hero was the talk of the vegan community for the next four weeks. But it was a losing battle for the plucky bovine beauty (pictured here).
Hero finally died of stress or a heart attack—after being bombarded with tranquillizer darts by her kindly human “rescuers”.
Hero Cow has now entered the pantheon of Feminist Martyrs. Had Hero been a bull—a hated chauvinist of patriarchal provenance—he wouldn’t have stood a chance. Belonging as she does to the eternally oppressed and persecuted female sex, Hero’s fame is now guaranteed. She is first feminist martyr of the bovine species! 🙂
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One of the principal beliefs of the Animal Extinction brigade is that meat and fish products leave a greater carbon footprint than vegetables. Eating meat produces more greenhouse gases. Moreover cows produce an enormous amount of methane every time they pass wind. Which, according to one of my learned informants, is tiresomely frequent. They are among the world’s most efficient producers of flatulence. So they need to be phased out of existence pronto.
Veganism is the only way, it is argued, to prevent environmental catastrophe and save the planet.
This view has gained momentum ever since Cambridge University removed beef and lamb from its menus in 2016. The boffins of Britain’s second most prestigious university appear to be on the side of the vegan zealots.
The Daily Mail reports:
Animal Rebellion compares its efforts to ban meat, fish and dairy products (plus, one must assume, leather) to the 19th-century campaign against slavery. They say they are following in the footsteps of a long list of people including Martin Luther King and Mahatma Gandhi. One of Animal Rebellion’s most oft-repeated slogans is: “Kill capitalism, not animals”.
According to the Mail, other key figures in Animal Extinction’s campaign for compulsory veganism are Roger Hallam, a veteran political activist recently in custody over an alleged plot to use drones to disrupt Heathrow airport. Then there is Tim Speers, a 33-year-old Londoner arrested a few days ago while filming himself spray-painting this alarmist slogan on the walls of the Old Bailey:
“ANIMAL EMERGENCY = CRIME AGAINST HUMANITY! “
Finally, there is the formidable Jane Tredgett, already mentioned above. Aged 52, Jane has had a seat on the RSPCA’s ruling council for 18 years. She is an important person who wields enormous influence over various groups and splinter groups, all deeply concerned with two vital issues: animal welfare and the looming environmental catastrophe from the plastic pollution of the world’s oceans.
It is in our own interests, Jane Tredgett argues convincingly, that we should stop caging animals in cruel conditions and slaughtering them without mercy.
It is in our own interests to stop eating their flesh and drinking their blood, which is what we do every time we have a hamburger.
Given the close kinship between man and beast, eating these helpless creatures is indefensible. It is almost akin to cannibalism, it is often averred with a passion verging on hysteria. After all, would you eat your own dog? Would you roast your own pet in the oven and serve it up for dinner? Doesn’t the very idea give you the creeps? So how on earth can you be so heartlessly cruel and feast on the flesh of an innocent cow?
Yes, that’s how it is. Passions run high, and it is not my intention to ridicule these anarchist extremists but to understand them.
It is my theory that there has been a recent upward spike in human sensitivity. In the ability to empathise with the lower animals and feel their pain. There is now the compulsion to defend innocent creatures in the same way as a good mother springs to the defence of her baby when it comes under attack.
I could be wrong. I probably am. But I refuse to brand every animal rights activist a raving lunatic. I’ll leave that to the Daily Mail.
Let me end with a moving story.
“How would you feel,” I was asked recently by a beautiful vegan poetess in a pub, “if invaders from Outer Space landed on Planet Earth and put all us human beings into cages? Say they then decided to slaughter us in cold blood and turn us all into sausages and hamburgers? Would you like that?”
I was impressed not only by her willowy and ethereal beauty but by the burning sincerity with which she spoke.
The young man who sat next to me in the pub was amused. He stretched his long legs, sniggered, and drawled flirtatiously: “I wouldn’t mind at all, provided my killer is as beautiful as you!”
The beautiful poetess burst into tears.
“You poor little bastard.” she sobbed. “You don’t deserve to live!”
The Daily Mail, crude and insensitive as ever, concluded its report with these flippant words:
“So as thousands of angry protesters once more descend on London, we should be in no doubt: these people are coming for our Sunday roast.”